After being in quite the slump due to 12+ hour work days, 7 days a week plus the weekly overnight shift (and of course the typical 21 year old drama), it’s safe to say that I really needed to go home. After having one of my bestfriends Tyler pass away after speaking to him just hours before he died, I needed to leave my current big girl life of bills, grocery shopping, and apartment chores and head home to NJ for some serious support from my family. You know those days where you’re having a great time and then suddenly a random rain cloud just rushes over your mind and clouds up everything? As if you’re at the beach and suddenly it just starts down pouring all day? That’s the funk I’ve been feeling lately. So I packed up all of my stuff and headed down the 5 hour drive to where possible sanity was waiting for me.
And man, that was a beautiful break. I’ve learned more in those nine days about myself and life than I ever could in college
1. Death sucks. It sucks major balls, as well as sucks the life out of you. Sometimes it hits you right away, and sometimes it hits you a week later. And sometimes you’re sitting in your room laughing and suddenly the room starts spinning and you start bawling your eyes out knowing that you never will get to hear that laugh ever again.
2. Denial is a real thing. Accepting death is a process. I admit to still texting Tyler, going on his facebook and rereading his texts as if he’s going to respond any day now to my previous messages or posting a new hilarious tweet. I still deny the fact that he’s gone. Two weeks have gone by and I still cry about it.
3. Being alone Is not always the answer. I cope with my feelings of depression and unhappiness by isolating myself and ignoring the world. This last week I chose the exact opposite approach: I chose to occupy my mind and my body with friends, family and random adventures to keep my mind off of my worries and fears. And it was the best decision I ever made. Not only did I manage to smile and laugh, but I made memories that’ll last me a lifetime.
4. It’s okay to sleep past 8am. I needed it. So what, I took a break from my usual 5am alarm. Sometimes you NEED that break.
5. It’s okay to stay up past 10pm. Again, sometimes you need to live a little.Even if that means staying up until 4:45 AM watching Inside Out (amazing movie BTW!)
6. Health is not just about the gym. Being healthy is about how you are mentally, physically and socially. It’s not about how much you can lift or how far you can run, but if you can balance the weight lifting with the meals and the people you eat your meals with. It’s about counting the memories you have with your friends, not the calories and protein grams on your plate.
7. Wine drunk is the best drunk: Especially when you’re crying with your best friend Rachel
Tyler told me his favorite part about his life was waking up to new adventures and unplanned tasks. That’s my newest inspirtation: unplanned events. If you know me, I am a super organized control freak. Now it’s time to sit back, relax, and let things naturally take course.
Now that the break is over, it’s off to getting back on track with eating healthy, working out, and preparing for my first NPC bikini compeittion lets get this!!!