My Biggest Fear: Spontaneity

20160131_112647912_iOSSpontaneity: something I don’t really do too well. I’m that nit picky super planner that needs to know EVERYTHING down to the time, date, central location, what we’re all wearing type of girl, and I personally have found that to be an unattractive quality. A bad quality? Not so much, but it can really get in my way (and I’m speaking from personal experience, not as a fact for everyone) of having fun. I tend to turn down last minute invites to the bar, or to a get together, or just a coffee date because it wasn’t “in my schedule”. But yesterday wasn’t the case. Usually my 8.5 hour shifts turn into 5 hour shifts because of the lack of work…but I could not keep up with yesterdays orders! From veggie tray call ins, to fruit platters, to BOGO on mixed  fruit, I was going crazy! Plus it didn’t help that my bosses asked for other silly things of me that THEY could have done. Luckily I have one co worker who is always offering to help me: shout out to you Ashlee!!

Anyways as 2pm hit I received a message from an old friend who I haven’t spoke to in months with the following question: are you free for an adventure? Immediately I went into panic mode.

Tabitha you have to go to the gym at 3pm, that was your plan. (it was my off day but I wanted to run). You’re free after so go do it after, you’re fine.

I said I was free.

He said: 3:15pm ?

I could have made it for 3:15, and that would have made my anxiety rise a little by having to shift my gym schedule around, but I was willing to make it work.

Done deal.


As 3:30 rolled around I hopped in the car in my gym clothes (because that’s what my PLAN was…) and we drove an hour out to pittburgh to run some errands. Would you consider errands an adventure? Maybe not. Would I? Definitely. Especially with this guy and how he knows my personality and uneasiness to spontaneous adventures. He was even surprised I said yes. The car ride filled with discussion about anxiety, perfectionism, societal views on fitness and health, and other  in-depth topics. It’s always great to have someone that you can talk to about more than those “shallow” topics.

After our “quick” errand turned into a  five hour adventure, he dropped me at my car at 9:00PM and I went home; tired, fatigued, and gymless. And I felt entirely okay. I think it was the fact that I really and truly needed that rest day along with a conversation with someone who is willing to talk about more than just protein powder and hair. Off days scare me. I never take a day off, and that is SO critical to training. My off days consist of cardio, which I think is entirely healthy due to the fact that I’m walking, jogging and incorporating some low endurance activity. But there comes a day each week where it really is important to just take a day off: from working out, from dealing with people and relationships, from working, from everything.


Being “okay” with allowing plans to change is something I am working on, and I think it’s a lifelong battle. My friend told me: I’ve learned to be okay with traffic, and waiting in lines. Those are things I can’t control and have to learn to accept.

And the control issue is something I personally struggle with. When I can’t control it, I fixate on the things I can control: how long I run for, the time I run for, the amount I eat, etc.

It’s a battle, but accepting what you can’t control is key to recovery.


Does anyone else fear something that isn’t tangible?

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